How it all started and what the fuck is HetSteak ?
Firstly HetSteak is Hetstaine and Steak and Potatoes (sounds tasty huh) , we joined ourselves at the rib as the axing brothers of Chernarus and for the purpose of telling our DayZ stories we became HetSteak (even tastier sounding) PotatoStaine just did not have the same ring about it. Look at the picture..can that combo go wrong ? If you needed any two dudes beside you in any sort of situation involving a zombie apocalypse..look no further.
So this guy with a particularly handsome mustache hits me with a pm one day at the dayZ forums and says he would like to hook up and get down and dirty with some DayZ action. I am keen for some madness and after following this chap on the forums for awhile..i know he is right down my alley. The dark side of the alley. Where the hobos sleep and cats with no fur never see the light. Its was like a match made in heaven, he can't drive and i have zero hatchet skillz. Perfect. Problem being, he always seems to be behind the wheel and i am continually swinging my hatchet at air.
Be warned, what follows involves alcohol, slendermen, game suicide, mass axing, shit driving skillz , explosions and graphic zombie trannies. Yes, your right..its fucking awesome.
Latest stories at the bottom, thats just how we fucking roll..
Earliest known picture of the pair recently discovered under Steaks pillow..
So this guy with a particularly handsome mustache hits me with a pm one day at the dayZ forums and says he would like to hook up and get down and dirty with some DayZ action. I am keen for some madness and after following this chap on the forums for awhile..i know he is right down my alley. The dark side of the alley. Where the hobos sleep and cats with no fur never see the light. Its was like a match made in heaven, he can't drive and i have zero hatchet skillz. Perfect. Problem being, he always seems to be behind the wheel and i am continually swinging my hatchet at air.
Be warned, what follows involves alcohol, slendermen, game suicide, mass axing, shit driving skillz , explosions and graphic zombie trannies. Yes, your right..its fucking awesome.
Latest stories at the bottom, thats just how we fucking roll..
Earliest known picture of the pair recently discovered under Steaks pillow..
And the even cooler versions of us, made by the mighty Orlok at DayZ forums.
First in game meet up..
So after some initial chit chat shit don't matter talk at the forums i find out that Steak is up at Berezino, bandit skin, fuck all blood and half drunk. Giddyup. I jump on and am all the fuck down near Elektro. Another mate of mine jumps in and he is near Skalisty. I start legging it up the coast , gonna grab me mate on the way and check out this Steak guy, my mate is my semi backup sniper..i have 72 percent confidence that Steak is not setting me up for the lolz..but in dayZ you just never fucking know.
So about two minutes running and i see some headlights heading my way, i stand in the middle of the road , saluting and doing the QE dance. The lights turn into a bus and i dive out of the way as he screams on past , over direct chat i shout at him to pick me up. He stops and starts and then finally lets me on. I tell him i need to go to Berezino as well as pick up a mate on the way, he is sweet as but has to pick up someone else near Cherno first. So we pick up his mate and then roll back through Elektro , off to Krutoy Cap and pick up mate who has chemlit the road like a rave party. All aboard and away we go.
The driver has not much idea where 'Zino is and being dark , me with no nvg's i struggle a bit and miss it, we tell him to dump us as we are - about two or three k's past the center of 'Zino. My mate and i bail and we start the run back, heading up into the forest followed by a swarm of zeds. We end up seperated by about 150-200 metres in the trees whilst shaking zeds. Now, my mate is always on about his inbuilt compass and his sense of direction, i pop mine up and tell him where to head and that i will meet him at the hospital. I know the landscape pretty well and head on into the dark making a beeline for Steak.
5 minutes later i am looking at the outline of the Hospital and have seen no sign of my mate. I pop some flares and ask him if he can see the light..No, so fuknose where he went. About a minute later i lose all contact with him over chat and see he has left the game..odd. I head up to the hospital and start hearing a voice over direct, must be the Steak man, he is asking if i popped flares, yes i have i say. He says ..i am on top of the hospital..so i cruise up, swing over the ladder at the top and get my first glimpse of a guy with an urban turban bandit wrapped skull, nvg's on.. seems legit. I smash a blood into him and he offers me morphine, via the forums he knows i am a morphine addict so i am one happy camper. We chat a bit and head on down to the bottom of the hospital.
From there we head up to his camp , i grab a dmr , we chat a bit more and have a few laughs about the daily dayZ forum life and then jump servers to where the rest of his crew is.
So we are off to a fairly quiet start with minimal action, the bonding has started though, we have parlayed with each other and shared a virtual beer.
The ice has been broken.
I find out the reason for my mates unexpected dissappearance..he spilt his rum off his desk and all through the top of his case..into his power supply, card..etc. We sorted out the rest of his gear but at this time of writing (many weeks later) he is still awaiting a replacement for his gtx680 card. Under warranty no less :) We cleaned it out and you would nver know it was full of alcohol..unless you lick it.
So about two minutes running and i see some headlights heading my way, i stand in the middle of the road , saluting and doing the QE dance. The lights turn into a bus and i dive out of the way as he screams on past , over direct chat i shout at him to pick me up. He stops and starts and then finally lets me on. I tell him i need to go to Berezino as well as pick up a mate on the way, he is sweet as but has to pick up someone else near Cherno first. So we pick up his mate and then roll back through Elektro , off to Krutoy Cap and pick up mate who has chemlit the road like a rave party. All aboard and away we go.
The driver has not much idea where 'Zino is and being dark , me with no nvg's i struggle a bit and miss it, we tell him to dump us as we are - about two or three k's past the center of 'Zino. My mate and i bail and we start the run back, heading up into the forest followed by a swarm of zeds. We end up seperated by about 150-200 metres in the trees whilst shaking zeds. Now, my mate is always on about his inbuilt compass and his sense of direction, i pop mine up and tell him where to head and that i will meet him at the hospital. I know the landscape pretty well and head on into the dark making a beeline for Steak.
5 minutes later i am looking at the outline of the Hospital and have seen no sign of my mate. I pop some flares and ask him if he can see the light..No, so fuknose where he went. About a minute later i lose all contact with him over chat and see he has left the game..odd. I head up to the hospital and start hearing a voice over direct, must be the Steak man, he is asking if i popped flares, yes i have i say. He says ..i am on top of the hospital..so i cruise up, swing over the ladder at the top and get my first glimpse of a guy with an urban turban bandit wrapped skull, nvg's on.. seems legit. I smash a blood into him and he offers me morphine, via the forums he knows i am a morphine addict so i am one happy camper. We chat a bit and head on down to the bottom of the hospital.
From there we head up to his camp , i grab a dmr , we chat a bit more and have a few laughs about the daily dayZ forum life and then jump servers to where the rest of his crew is.
So we are off to a fairly quiet start with minimal action, the bonding has started though, we have parlayed with each other and shared a virtual beer.
The ice has been broken.
I find out the reason for my mates unexpected dissappearance..he spilt his rum off his desk and all through the top of his case..into his power supply, card..etc. We sorted out the rest of his gear but at this time of writing (many weeks later) he is still awaiting a replacement for his gtx680 card. Under warranty no less :) We cleaned it out and you would nver know it was full of alcohol..unless you lick it.
tears of joy...
Bruised battered I washed ashore in a town called Kamenka. Ran for about 2k up the road and saw a blue hippie van parked on the side of the road with a metallica bumper sticker Hall and Oates dreams come true blasting out the speakers. Confused and weary I staggered closer and saw a tall handsome man exit the driver side and run his fingers through his red wavy curls like a young Julia Roberts from pretty woman with a kiss of sun tint.
Who is this man? My eyes began to tear up and I fell to my knees covering my face. The beauty poured onto me like looking Jesus in the eyes after resurrection whilst singing Celine Dion, My heart will go on. He gently lifted my hands from my eyes, his blue plaid shirt reminded me of home made chicken pot pies and his leather vest of a french man in german porn. He whispered softly in my ear go easy young survivor I can be your hero.
His presence poured over me as I regained my balance, he seemed to lift me with ease. "Nice moustache Musty man" his words pierced my heart, he knew I was musty. He ladied me into his van like a gentleman and we rode off into the sunset like thelma and louise fresh on the drop top, looking for pubs and tranny zombies. As night approached we pulled over in a town called Staroye and pitched a tent in more than one way.
I awoke in the morning to the sound of sweet birds as they were fluttering over my tent like I was snow white. I rolled over in the sleeping bag and felt no one next to me, only a bunched up piece of paper. I unwrapped the paper as my heart sank into my chest, reading its every letter, pulling my breath and softly whispering ...Hetstaine.
Who is this man? My eyes began to tear up and I fell to my knees covering my face. The beauty poured onto me like looking Jesus in the eyes after resurrection whilst singing Celine Dion, My heart will go on. He gently lifted my hands from my eyes, his blue plaid shirt reminded me of home made chicken pot pies and his leather vest of a french man in german porn. He whispered softly in my ear go easy young survivor I can be your hero.
His presence poured over me as I regained my balance, he seemed to lift me with ease. "Nice moustache Musty man" his words pierced my heart, he knew I was musty. He ladied me into his van like a gentleman and we rode off into the sunset like thelma and louise fresh on the drop top, looking for pubs and tranny zombies. As night approached we pulled over in a town called Staroye and pitched a tent in more than one way.
I awoke in the morning to the sound of sweet birds as they were fluttering over my tent like I was snow white. I rolled over in the sleeping bag and felt no one next to me, only a bunched up piece of paper. I unwrapped the paper as my heart sank into my chest, reading its every letter, pulling my breath and softly whispering ...Hetstaine.
Quick random encounter..
This is Steak off by himself one night...
So I built up an Off Road and looted the factory outside Polana for additional car parts. Thought ..hey I'm not pressed for time, full on petrol.. lets give the polana supermarket a go ahead.
I drive up and park in front of the market. Map.. check/Food ..check/Pepsi.. check. Out of nowhere a man with nothing on him runs through the store yelling on direct chat "sorry I'm running late gotta go, gotta make my meeting ! " he barrels through the super market jumps in my pickup and takes off. I did not shoot out of confusion and sit flabbergasted as to how this fucking dude came out of nowhere. Then he crashes.. right outside of town and blows the pick up to pieces by running into a tree full speed. I run over and he is passed out on the ground, as i get closer he wakes up and runs off into the hills bleeding still repeating " gotta go i'm late !! "
To Jeff in Pants on Au46 cheers.. i laughed so hard my dick fell off.
So I built up an Off Road and looted the factory outside Polana for additional car parts. Thought ..hey I'm not pressed for time, full on petrol.. lets give the polana supermarket a go ahead.
I drive up and park in front of the market. Map.. check/Food ..check/Pepsi.. check. Out of nowhere a man with nothing on him runs through the store yelling on direct chat "sorry I'm running late gotta go, gotta make my meeting ! " he barrels through the super market jumps in my pickup and takes off. I did not shoot out of confusion and sit flabbergasted as to how this fucking dude came out of nowhere. Then he crashes.. right outside of town and blows the pick up to pieces by running into a tree full speed. I run over and he is passed out on the ground, as i get closer he wakes up and runs off into the hills bleeding still repeating " gotta go i'm late !! "
To Jeff in Pants on Au46 cheers.. i laughed so hard my dick fell off.
The action begins...
I jump on looking to hook up with Steak and associates. They have wheels so tell me to head to Pop Ivan and we can go for a cruise. I head up and wait in a deerstand and sure enough a car pulls ups with a Ghillie dude and a bearded looking hobo..Steak! We all bail in and head out, i think in the general direction of Berezino..aways up NE away from the coast. Steak chucks on some Hall and Oates and i am pleasantly surprised ..driving around in a beat up shit tin in a Zombie apocalypse listening to a tune i have not heard in at least a decade. Puts a smile on my dial and i start grooving.
Halfway through the tune we come across another car in the middle of the road, too fucked to worry about fixing though so we head on again. About 2 minutes later Steak starts yelling out..
'FUCKING SLENDERMAN!!' .......down there in the forest....... SLENDEEEEEERRRRRMAN!!!!!! '
We hit the anchors and run off like retards down a iced hill (me and the guy in the Ghillie) into the forest looking for an elusive dude, i have no fucking idea what i am chasing as i have seen nothing..the Ghillie dude is to my right about twenty metres, he puts some shots into the trees..now this is where i am not really sure what happened or how it unfolded.. i hear Steak behind us up the hill telling someone to get the fuck out of the car, then i hear another voice over direct, by the time i get up the hill that we have just bolted down i see a guy in the drivers seat reversing the car into a bush. Steak tells him again to get out or is he dead..then blam! ..Steakopens up on him. Dude falls out dead as old dicks. Was this guy the slenderman or just some random fucker who was unlucky enough to have bumped into us ? Whoever he was he should have got the fuck out of the car. It's a zed apocalypse ..not nanna's knitting party.
We loot his shit and head off again. We make it into a small village needing juice so hit a couple of barns, night time and i once again have no nvg's . Zeds pop up everywhere and then i make the mistake of popping a few that have come close with my FN FAL , now the FAL is a loud fucking bit of gear so every zed heads for us full tit. In the confusion Steak hits Ghillie man who goes down. We do not manage to bandage or morph him as we are picking off zeds all around us ..he rage quits. Once again we loot a corpse, stash his shit in the car and then Steak proceeds to run down every zed he can. With cries of 'GET SOME !! ' and 'YOU WANT SOME TOO MOTHERFUCKER ??!!' he obliterates a herd of zeds. I calmly sit in the passenger seat observing his driving skillz.
As we head out of the carnage and down the road i'm thinking..is this Steak dude going to take me out or was that just a confused mess of random shooting at the barn ? i cannot lie..i feared for my char. I mean i knew the dude was fuck butt mental from my forum encounters..but was he actually also insane? the chance of adventure , good looking trannies ,cold beer and possibly more Hall and Oates keeps me stuck firmly in the passenger seat. I love fuck butt mental and i ain't getting off this ride until my head is popped like an 86 year old tranny skydiving naked without a chute. Beer will fix insane so chug chug.
Steak drifts our little machine into a random barn and parks up, i show off my vaulting skillz attempting to jump over the car from the barn stairway without breaking my legs, i feel like a graceful butterfly and i hope he is appreciating my moves. Later that dark and stormy night in the barn we cemented our survivor partnership..what happened that evening as the wind squalled and the rain fell is better left unsaid.
Halfway through the tune we come across another car in the middle of the road, too fucked to worry about fixing though so we head on again. About 2 minutes later Steak starts yelling out..
'FUCKING SLENDERMAN!!' .......down there in the forest....... SLENDEEEEEERRRRRMAN!!!!!! '
We hit the anchors and run off like retards down a iced hill (me and the guy in the Ghillie) into the forest looking for an elusive dude, i have no fucking idea what i am chasing as i have seen nothing..the Ghillie dude is to my right about twenty metres, he puts some shots into the trees..now this is where i am not really sure what happened or how it unfolded.. i hear Steak behind us up the hill telling someone to get the fuck out of the car, then i hear another voice over direct, by the time i get up the hill that we have just bolted down i see a guy in the drivers seat reversing the car into a bush. Steak tells him again to get out or is he dead..then blam! ..Steakopens up on him. Dude falls out dead as old dicks. Was this guy the slenderman or just some random fucker who was unlucky enough to have bumped into us ? Whoever he was he should have got the fuck out of the car. It's a zed apocalypse ..not nanna's knitting party.
We loot his shit and head off again. We make it into a small village needing juice so hit a couple of barns, night time and i once again have no nvg's . Zeds pop up everywhere and then i make the mistake of popping a few that have come close with my FN FAL , now the FAL is a loud fucking bit of gear so every zed heads for us full tit. In the confusion Steak hits Ghillie man who goes down. We do not manage to bandage or morph him as we are picking off zeds all around us ..he rage quits. Once again we loot a corpse, stash his shit in the car and then Steak proceeds to run down every zed he can. With cries of 'GET SOME !! ' and 'YOU WANT SOME TOO MOTHERFUCKER ??!!' he obliterates a herd of zeds. I calmly sit in the passenger seat observing his driving skillz.
As we head out of the carnage and down the road i'm thinking..is this Steak dude going to take me out or was that just a confused mess of random shooting at the barn ? i cannot lie..i feared for my char. I mean i knew the dude was fuck butt mental from my forum encounters..but was he actually also insane? the chance of adventure , good looking trannies ,cold beer and possibly more Hall and Oates keeps me stuck firmly in the passenger seat. I love fuck butt mental and i ain't getting off this ride until my head is popped like an 86 year old tranny skydiving naked without a chute. Beer will fix insane so chug chug.
Steak drifts our little machine into a random barn and parks up, i show off my vaulting skillz attempting to jump over the car from the barn stairway without breaking my legs, i feel like a graceful butterfly and i hope he is appreciating my moves. Later that dark and stormy night in the barn we cemented our survivor partnership..what happened that evening as the wind squalled and the rain fell is better left unsaid.
If you look at the first picture above..you can see the pure dedication of this bearded warrior, a lust for zed killing and beer, pure concentration as he leaves blood and carnage behind him. Not a thought for his own safety as he reloads his hatchet and goes in swinging and swearing like a boss. Steak and Potatoes..his name sounds like a family BBQ with nanna and Pop, her purse dog yapping, kids running free and flying kites , sucking on popsicles from Aunty Jennys deepfreeze..then the illusion is shattered as heads are cleaved and food goes flying, mixed with fingers and hair..Steak has arrived..and the butchering has begun.
Two versions, one story..
So i'm chilling near Elektro , waltz into a barn and spot a cz550, Fuck me..i have not seen a cz in a barn for donkeys ! Now my mate and i have just hooked the pc up to a 60 inch screen and are basking in the wonderment of it all, scoping around and checking shit out ..looks madly brilliant. Settings pumped. I hand over my char to him , long story short..he spilt a glass of rum on his pc , through the top casing fan and onto his power supply and gtx680..nice work, no pc for him for a few weeks. So anyway he is getting withdrawals and me being a generous sort of dude i give him a run.
Straight away he snipes guys in Elektro..he misses a bunch of dudes and then goes down for an Elektro loot run, picks up a double barrell and a mak at the school , grabs some food at the shops then dives into the fire station. Two axe dudes come waltzing past, one in a hero suit and one in standard spawn gear. BOOM! BOOM! i am like dude wtf , why you shooting fool ?? He just instantly pops away..and misses. From under 20 feet.
Dude in the hero suit is like..'woah back big fella..slow up there cowboy!' The other axe dude gives chase. cue benny hill music.. I am like stop shooting you fool ! So he legs it headed to the train station, two axe guys in tow, all sprinting down the street. I figure we have enough of a lead that we can type quickly to them and make amends. Not a chance, the closest axe man gets a swing at us so we leg it agin bleeding.
Old mate Hero suit ends up being Sausages and Mash, who then takes out the dude axing my char. Lolz were had. To make sure he is dead my mate puts two more shottie shells into his face at .5 feet range.
So i ask Sausage if he can show my mate the ropes and take him for a run.
Straight away he snipes guys in Elektro..he misses a bunch of dudes and then goes down for an Elektro loot run, picks up a double barrell and a mak at the school , grabs some food at the shops then dives into the fire station. Two axe dudes come waltzing past, one in a hero suit and one in standard spawn gear. BOOM! BOOM! i am like dude wtf , why you shooting fool ?? He just instantly pops away..and misses. From under 20 feet.
Dude in the hero suit is like..'woah back big fella..slow up there cowboy!' The other axe dude gives chase. cue benny hill music.. I am like stop shooting you fool ! So he legs it headed to the train station, two axe guys in tow, all sprinting down the street. I figure we have enough of a lead that we can type quickly to them and make amends. Not a chance, the closest axe man gets a swing at us so we leg it agin bleeding.
Old mate Hero suit ends up being Sausages and Mash, who then takes out the dude axing my char. Lolz were had. To make sure he is dead my mate puts two more shottie shells into his face at .5 feet range.
So i ask Sausage if he can show my mate the ropes and take him for a run.
We have not been taking note of where are going (my mate and i anyway) as i am explaining to him my keyboard layout, i am an arrow guy not a wasd dude. So we end up near some trees , in a forest, under the sky, Thats the best i can pinpoint it. I ask old Sausage if he can blood me, we blood up.
Sausage then tells us he needs to be alone in the bush to die, he is too smashed to go any further and must be left to the woods..to spur him on we put a mak bullet in the side window of the hippie van and he gets a some life in him ' woah woah dudes ! dont shoot the fucking wheels man! ' So he calls it..'Lets head to the nw field ..take me there ..i'm to drunk to drive.'
I jump in, i have now kicked my mate off my char and taken over, i notice Sausage's parking skillz..
I jump in, i have now kicked my mate off my char and taken over, i notice Sausage's parking skillz..
To be fair, i have killed more cars than a hacker can spawn in standard 5 minute session. Just as i start to head out this dude appears in front of us and starts poppin' rounds at the front windscreen. i am like wtf man ! I head straight for him at about 1.8 kilometres an hour, if he goes to sleep now he is definitely dead ! But alas he avoids my rampaging madness by walking slowly to the side as we throttle past.
He gets off a few more shots as i am navigating the trees and slowly picking up some downhill speed, now i told you earlier of my l33t driving ability, this is where i prove that racing blood runs in my veins and my track skillz come to the fore..
He gets off a few more shots as i am navigating the trees and slowly picking up some downhill speed, now i told you earlier of my l33t driving ability, this is where i prove that racing blood runs in my veins and my track skillz come to the fore..
I hit the tree full on. At about 7 k's an hour. Possibly slower. My passenger awakes, no doubt surrounded by fire , and saying ' wtf dude ? Whats happenin' man..you trashed the car ! ' I can only assume he passed out as soon as he jumped in and missed the whole shootout deal , waking up only when his face started melting into the dashboard. I have already bailed and watched the shooter appear on my far left skirting through the bushes and heading for us. I keep my distance and run beside him seperated by about 100-150 odd metres. We exchange shots, both of us on the move and flitting from tree to tree. I end up getting behind one tree and observe him, knowing he has lost me as he is looking the wrong way , i start to flank and then get in close enough to nail him, but i only have my Mak, using all my shottie ammo earlier, trying to scare him away with the boomstick sound. I spy him looking around from his tree, if i had anything else but the mak he would be a goner...
I waste a couple of mags of Mak at him and forced him to flee , chasing him for about another minute then lost him in a bunch of firs so gave up and legged it back to check out my car parking action. Boss parking..
Thinking old mate might still be hanging around i shed a tear and hide Steaks corpse then leg it for Stary, hearing a chopper in the distance ..but that is a tale for another day..
...Steaks version..
So I'm running through electro dying of thirst when two men barrel across the railroad tracks infront of me about 40 meters up. One with a winchester running, the other with a hatchet screaming like a man on a meth binge swinging at him.
I myself am only equipped with a hatchet.. I yell to the man to stop chasing him and try to break up the fight. Over direct i hear 'your a tranny!' and figure out that the man being chased by hatchet wielding psycho is none other then my buddy Hetstaine.
Now i have to act so i run up behind that hatchet man give him a slap to legs and break a bone. he goes down and begins to crawl. i walk over and conversate with my buddy while the man continues to scream and growl as he crawls towards us from 80 meters off. we sit there until the man comes close and i put him down and shed a tear for the loss.
We decide now that we have teamed up ..time for an adventure. We make our way out of town and find a blue van that just needs a tire. It has a spare in the inventory so i fix it and we drive off like thelma and louise. One major problem, i am severly intoxicated and seem to be running into every bush and not keeping the vehicle on the road. i pull off the main road and tell Het i am giving up the keys before i get us killed or get a dui at the cherno checkpoint. We switch seats before i make a wrong turn and instantly a nice young man strolls up to my passenger window aims an m4 in and says "break yo self" on dircet chat. this was followed by an entire magazine entering my skull.
Het attempts to pull away onto the road as i lay dead on the ground and i see the van along with our dreams of a retarded adventure night burst into flames as he is gunned down and hits a tree.
To Het its clear when we team up someone gets killed because were both drunk.. my Kevin Costner body guard in vehicle attempt did not save you so i have failed.. until next time when we make another poor judgement cheers!
I myself am only equipped with a hatchet.. I yell to the man to stop chasing him and try to break up the fight. Over direct i hear 'your a tranny!' and figure out that the man being chased by hatchet wielding psycho is none other then my buddy Hetstaine.
Now i have to act so i run up behind that hatchet man give him a slap to legs and break a bone. he goes down and begins to crawl. i walk over and conversate with my buddy while the man continues to scream and growl as he crawls towards us from 80 meters off. we sit there until the man comes close and i put him down and shed a tear for the loss.
We decide now that we have teamed up ..time for an adventure. We make our way out of town and find a blue van that just needs a tire. It has a spare in the inventory so i fix it and we drive off like thelma and louise. One major problem, i am severly intoxicated and seem to be running into every bush and not keeping the vehicle on the road. i pull off the main road and tell Het i am giving up the keys before i get us killed or get a dui at the cherno checkpoint. We switch seats before i make a wrong turn and instantly a nice young man strolls up to my passenger window aims an m4 in and says "break yo self" on dircet chat. this was followed by an entire magazine entering my skull.
Het attempts to pull away onto the road as i lay dead on the ground and i see the van along with our dreams of a retarded adventure night burst into flames as he is gunned down and hits a tree.
To Het its clear when we team up someone gets killed because were both drunk.. my Kevin Costner body guard in vehicle attempt did not save you so i have failed.. until next time when we make another poor judgement cheers!
Steak..taken hostage. A rose between two thornz..
A rough forecast for rocky weather , a fresh spawn at Three Valleys , i decide to head north off to the side of the road and loot for my run to Berezino.
I stop in a rundown factory and shortly after i hear none other than the rumble of an engine. I peer out and see two bandit gentlemen armed to the teeth exit a UAZ and head towards the building I'm in. An unarmed hero is a good kill for them I thought so I attempt to exit out the opposite side and try to move off and gain distance.
As I exit two shots zip into the ground infront of me and I am told to stop or I will be shot.Seeing the opportunity to play a new role, i surrender. the bandits claim they have been sent to take me hostage by orders of the blah blah Militia some clan. I enter the vehicle and they say not to talk.. one has tapped caps twice so I hear him talking in direct to who they are meeting up with on skype or ts saying they have taken a hero hostage and are going to post on side channel their randsom demands when they meet up.
We head off to Berezino hospital and they tell me I am to follow orders and retrieve items at gun point.. Fair enough I say so i enter the hospital while they aim at me while i grab some med supplies. I notice a few tin cans on the ground and pick them up , a plan forming at the back of my mind. Back into the truck and on to the petrol station. I empty my inventory into the truck and they tell me to fill the vehicle with the two jerry cans in the UAZ. I walk over to the station as they have me at gun point again, place myself behind the petrol supply point and switch to empty cans. I say heads up and I throw one can hitting a guy in the chest which stuns him and he says "what the fuck ? that guy just threw something at me..? "
I throw the next can and sprint around the backside of the building, they instantly rage and begin taking shots at me .. but they are shit shots, its like chickens are trying to throw bricks with their mutant little claws. I break around the building and the chase begins. I do two full laps of the building only catching shock from the bullets thinking ..they have yet to figure out they need to split up and chase around both sides and easily fuck me up. So i take off deeper towards the city weaving between buildings as they keep firing. I elude and circle back towards the petrol station, they are chasing in a straight line like sheep. I jump into their truck and beat fat cheeks out of the station. They shoot out the fuel, engine and windows but i manage to get down the road yelling 'blow me !'
They have destroyed their truck and I figure ..my work is done here. I bail on foot, still weaving and finally take a round that drops me with a broken leg. I lay there as they run down to me cussing at me like a pair of sailors saying i am going to have to fix all the damage. They circle me carrying on when i hear a sniper round zip through one and drop him, could this be my saviour..a hero of Chernarus ? the other one panics and runs to the back of the truck, i roll away from it as I hear follow up shots which blow the vehicle to pieces. The bandit trys to run off towards the coast and is ripped through cehis guts by another round. I crawl over and bury their bodies as a slenderman comes down to me and says today is your lucky day ..then aims his rifle at my face and says ..well almost..then slips me a bullet to the face. Held hostage funniest night I've had in weeks, the rage over side channel proved epic from the two ass hats as they spawned in kamenka and cherno.
I stop in a rundown factory and shortly after i hear none other than the rumble of an engine. I peer out and see two bandit gentlemen armed to the teeth exit a UAZ and head towards the building I'm in. An unarmed hero is a good kill for them I thought so I attempt to exit out the opposite side and try to move off and gain distance.
As I exit two shots zip into the ground infront of me and I am told to stop or I will be shot.Seeing the opportunity to play a new role, i surrender. the bandits claim they have been sent to take me hostage by orders of the blah blah Militia some clan. I enter the vehicle and they say not to talk.. one has tapped caps twice so I hear him talking in direct to who they are meeting up with on skype or ts saying they have taken a hero hostage and are going to post on side channel their randsom demands when they meet up.
We head off to Berezino hospital and they tell me I am to follow orders and retrieve items at gun point.. Fair enough I say so i enter the hospital while they aim at me while i grab some med supplies. I notice a few tin cans on the ground and pick them up , a plan forming at the back of my mind. Back into the truck and on to the petrol station. I empty my inventory into the truck and they tell me to fill the vehicle with the two jerry cans in the UAZ. I walk over to the station as they have me at gun point again, place myself behind the petrol supply point and switch to empty cans. I say heads up and I throw one can hitting a guy in the chest which stuns him and he says "what the fuck ? that guy just threw something at me..? "
I throw the next can and sprint around the backside of the building, they instantly rage and begin taking shots at me .. but they are shit shots, its like chickens are trying to throw bricks with their mutant little claws. I break around the building and the chase begins. I do two full laps of the building only catching shock from the bullets thinking ..they have yet to figure out they need to split up and chase around both sides and easily fuck me up. So i take off deeper towards the city weaving between buildings as they keep firing. I elude and circle back towards the petrol station, they are chasing in a straight line like sheep. I jump into their truck and beat fat cheeks out of the station. They shoot out the fuel, engine and windows but i manage to get down the road yelling 'blow me !'
They have destroyed their truck and I figure ..my work is done here. I bail on foot, still weaving and finally take a round that drops me with a broken leg. I lay there as they run down to me cussing at me like a pair of sailors saying i am going to have to fix all the damage. They circle me carrying on when i hear a sniper round zip through one and drop him, could this be my saviour..a hero of Chernarus ? the other one panics and runs to the back of the truck, i roll away from it as I hear follow up shots which blow the vehicle to pieces. The bandit trys to run off towards the coast and is ripped through cehis guts by another round. I crawl over and bury their bodies as a slenderman comes down to me and says today is your lucky day ..then aims his rifle at my face and says ..well almost..then slips me a bullet to the face. Held hostage funniest night I've had in weeks, the rage over side channel proved epic from the two ass hats as they spawned in kamenka and cherno.
Steak meets some punks
It's dusk and i (steak and mash) am chilling out comfortably in a building at komorovo docks. I am prone with my hatchet and talking to a couple of guys in in team speak when I hear ... ' drop the hatchet punk! ' Punk ? I look up and see some chap more scared than a KKK member at a pride parade aiming at me with a makarov. I tell him ...' easy dude. no need to get crazy.. were in this together' .I stand up and he yells 'LAY DOWN!' ..then squeezes of a few rounds of his Mak.
I am up and running but hit once by his wayward firing as I barrel out the dock sliding door. He chases me around the building saying 'your gonna have to bandage your bleeding ! '. I hunch down outside and using 3rd person i watch my char piss blood out his body. I peer out as he comes to the corner and slap him a good one to the face with my hatchet , he pours out like a stuck pig screaming and running towards the water.
The fights on.
I decide to not bandage and utilize my advantage of not giving a fuk. I chase him towards the water saying 'your not going to lose to a hatchet are you? ' slap him in the leg, leg breaks and he falls screamin ' PLEASE NO! ...I WAS MISTAKEN ! ' ...as he rapid fires the dirt in front of me prone...dude. I circle and slap him 20 more times,typical for me when my rage is on, i hear his flies and at last i start to bandage. Halfway through i pass out, knockout timer... wake up finish the bandaging process.
I am looking at 245 blood and am supposed to meet up with a few in Zeleno so I set north and meet them on the main road. They are in the hatchback and apparently I will be the driver as they are alt tabbing for a minute. I say.. not to sure.. but take the wheel anyway. I hook it up to 90 and then pass out, flying out of the car onto the road and watch the flames in the background as it blow up on a tree and think well fark.. The two others are like wtf dude ? then they die from the second explosion and I'm fucked off dead in the road with a respawn timer. I'm never driving again....
I am up and running but hit once by his wayward firing as I barrel out the dock sliding door. He chases me around the building saying 'your gonna have to bandage your bleeding ! '. I hunch down outside and using 3rd person i watch my char piss blood out his body. I peer out as he comes to the corner and slap him a good one to the face with my hatchet , he pours out like a stuck pig screaming and running towards the water.
The fights on.
I decide to not bandage and utilize my advantage of not giving a fuk. I chase him towards the water saying 'your not going to lose to a hatchet are you? ' slap him in the leg, leg breaks and he falls screamin ' PLEASE NO! ...I WAS MISTAKEN ! ' ...as he rapid fires the dirt in front of me prone...dude. I circle and slap him 20 more times,typical for me when my rage is on, i hear his flies and at last i start to bandage. Halfway through i pass out, knockout timer... wake up finish the bandaging process.
I am looking at 245 blood and am supposed to meet up with a few in Zeleno so I set north and meet them on the main road. They are in the hatchback and apparently I will be the driver as they are alt tabbing for a minute. I say.. not to sure.. but take the wheel anyway. I hook it up to 90 and then pass out, flying out of the car onto the road and watch the flames in the background as it blow up on a tree and think well fark.. The two others are like wtf dude ? then they die from the second explosion and I'm fucked off dead in the road with a respawn timer. I'm never driving again....
Steak and the giveaway..Prizes Prizes Prizes!
ohhhhhhhhhhh boy here goes the story and riddle ladies and gentleman.. brace yourselves, moral of the story is as follows - if your smart enough to solve my riddles, make sure you are worthy of the prize.
I was enjoying a nice day on our server when i noticed something very wrong while looking over ingame players and logs. Two hackers creating a home base north east of Zelengorsk, i thought wow they are pretty well equipped for being in game for approx two mins ... ridiculous gear. I watched and waited, sure enough they teleport two helicopters and a uaz and fully repair them in seconds well bam.. ban/ban.
Now the story gets really interesting, i think to myself ...they are ingame vehic's how do i resolve this ?.. so I drive out in my pos green car to the location and the Riddle Raffle Ultimate Prize Off is born. Announcment made over side channel ..Prizes Prizes Prizes! what you will win if you solve the riddle, first auction a fully repaired UH-H1 for you and your buddies enter ts to recieve the location of your prize.. First riddle is out the door.. what goes around the world but always remains in one corner? WESKY in teamspeak..: ooooo a stamp!!!!!
Winner winner ! I give grid location and await Wesky as he arrives to claim his prize. After some time he arrives short of breath and walks up to the helicopter and does the new survivor look, hands at side staring blankly as if it will move itself. I say to the young man, your free to take your prize at anytime...response ..'how do you fly a helicopter?' I shake my head as he pulls all of his crew in ts and of the four says 'yeah I flew a helicopter one time'.... i shake my head tell him 'get in I'll take you to your buddy'. He gives grid ref so i fly out to him and tell him I will drop myself back off at the location and they go on their merry way.. happy cheers yea yea yea thanks bro. I land back at the location with the two guys and tell them to beat cheeks they eventually take off after two mins of looking over auto hover.
By this time there is confirmation of the Riddle Raffle's actuality and the server is going nuts over side channel chomping at the bit. Before I can begin the next riddle I see on side channel 'who is the ass hat nose diving a helicopter into the electro streets' ..four names pop up dead. Clearly it wasnt going to last but as i encourage fun i continue ,after a chuckle, the next Raffle Riddle. Five men are on their way into church when it begins to rain, four run and get wet while one stays still and does not? Young survivor answers 'ones dead! ones dead! He is in a coffin !! ' Winner winner , i move him in ts and give him the grid, once again the hands at side staring at the helicopter ' dude sweet I've never seen one of these in game before.' once again shakes head.. are you kidding me? He says 'i got this i got this 'so i begin the final raffle for the uaz.. As i'm preparing everyone with a two minute warning to the next Riddle people are going ape shit.. then i hear an explosion in the trees ahead of me Young survivor was killed....
I pretend not to see that on the screen and state the last riddle: A man picks up a photo and looking at it he says - brothers and sisters I have none but this mans father is my fathers son .. ATT- 'my son he's my son !'... winner winner. Move him in ts, grid him and wait. after 40 mins of waiting i ask what the fuck is the hold up ? Response ..I have no idea where i am.... shakes head ..finally get him up there and the Raffle is complete. He says thank you, you guys are the best and drives off towards Zelenogorsk.. after i show him how to use his map. I take off south to kamenka, 20 mins later i recieve a poke on ts, help me ..it's ATT with the UAZ .. whats up mate?
Dude my tire popped and the truck is spinning in circles. I enquire his location, he gives me a grid ref ..40 meters from our original location in an open field where he managed to hit a hay bail and destroy the truck.. My mind is blown so i respond how did you mange to hit something in an open field...Bro you have no idea i was going like 20 and my mouse pulled me into it.... I tell him i am to drunk to drive to his location but he can ask others on side channel. He posts his location, Bandits roll on him and the truck is theirs...winner winner.
I was enjoying a nice day on our server when i noticed something very wrong while looking over ingame players and logs. Two hackers creating a home base north east of Zelengorsk, i thought wow they are pretty well equipped for being in game for approx two mins ... ridiculous gear. I watched and waited, sure enough they teleport two helicopters and a uaz and fully repair them in seconds well bam.. ban/ban.
Now the story gets really interesting, i think to myself ...they are ingame vehic's how do i resolve this ?.. so I drive out in my pos green car to the location and the Riddle Raffle Ultimate Prize Off is born. Announcment made over side channel ..Prizes Prizes Prizes! what you will win if you solve the riddle, first auction a fully repaired UH-H1 for you and your buddies enter ts to recieve the location of your prize.. First riddle is out the door.. what goes around the world but always remains in one corner? WESKY in teamspeak..: ooooo a stamp!!!!!
Winner winner ! I give grid location and await Wesky as he arrives to claim his prize. After some time he arrives short of breath and walks up to the helicopter and does the new survivor look, hands at side staring blankly as if it will move itself. I say to the young man, your free to take your prize at anytime...response ..'how do you fly a helicopter?' I shake my head as he pulls all of his crew in ts and of the four says 'yeah I flew a helicopter one time'.... i shake my head tell him 'get in I'll take you to your buddy'. He gives grid ref so i fly out to him and tell him I will drop myself back off at the location and they go on their merry way.. happy cheers yea yea yea thanks bro. I land back at the location with the two guys and tell them to beat cheeks they eventually take off after two mins of looking over auto hover.
By this time there is confirmation of the Riddle Raffle's actuality and the server is going nuts over side channel chomping at the bit. Before I can begin the next riddle I see on side channel 'who is the ass hat nose diving a helicopter into the electro streets' ..four names pop up dead. Clearly it wasnt going to last but as i encourage fun i continue ,after a chuckle, the next Raffle Riddle. Five men are on their way into church when it begins to rain, four run and get wet while one stays still and does not? Young survivor answers 'ones dead! ones dead! He is in a coffin !! ' Winner winner , i move him in ts and give him the grid, once again the hands at side staring at the helicopter ' dude sweet I've never seen one of these in game before.' once again shakes head.. are you kidding me? He says 'i got this i got this 'so i begin the final raffle for the uaz.. As i'm preparing everyone with a two minute warning to the next Riddle people are going ape shit.. then i hear an explosion in the trees ahead of me Young survivor was killed....
I pretend not to see that on the screen and state the last riddle: A man picks up a photo and looking at it he says - brothers and sisters I have none but this mans father is my fathers son .. ATT- 'my son he's my son !'... winner winner. Move him in ts, grid him and wait. after 40 mins of waiting i ask what the fuck is the hold up ? Response ..I have no idea where i am.... shakes head ..finally get him up there and the Raffle is complete. He says thank you, you guys are the best and drives off towards Zelenogorsk.. after i show him how to use his map. I take off south to kamenka, 20 mins later i recieve a poke on ts, help me ..it's ATT with the UAZ .. whats up mate?
Dude my tire popped and the truck is spinning in circles. I enquire his location, he gives me a grid ref ..40 meters from our original location in an open field where he managed to hit a hay bail and destroy the truck.. My mind is blown so i respond how did you mange to hit something in an open field...Bro you have no idea i was going like 20 and my mouse pulled me into it.... I tell him i am to drunk to drive to his location but he can ask others on side channel. He posts his location, Bandits roll on him and the truck is theirs...winner winner.
If you wish for peace...prepare for war
It all started as a rainy afternoon. I raided cherno succesfully and headed North on the Main vein towards Mogilevka my Hetstaine red headed hog Puppet sitting on my desk in spirit waiting until he regained net access. As I approached town Two armed men in Hero skins came down from the woods and told me to remain where i was and drop my Winchester.
Endowed in Hero skin as well i remained confused but cooperated. One searched me while the other held steady with a Leroy Enfield.. "he's legit," said the searching party and they welcomed me back to the woods outside town.
Their names i will not list for their own protection. As we get out of town to a secure location, the leader of the two tells me I must pass a ritual to remain with them - hunt a wild animal, cook it and eat amongst men. I complete the task and we return to the woods sitting around the fire. The leader then asks me where a hero like myself is heading? I reply just running north away from the muck.. He begins a speech.."what if you could get away from the muck?" "what if everyone was forced to actually survive without the mass production of overpowered items?" sensing an extremist and wanting to cut him short ..I reply.. "That sounds like a place I would prefer to be in". The Leader smiles, at least i think it was a smile and replies "well were taking our town back and your in it for the long haul' heroes arent easy to come by and today your here, might be destiny...." I agree with the man. Then he unveils his current mission...
He tells me there is a helicopter crash right outside town in the northwest field and that he is expecting a supply convoy to be coming in soon as he had been following a few bandits earlier in game and this is a site they have not raided. Nervous but ready, i say, " I'm in"... not asking any further questions. He places a hand grenade in my back pack and we move to the hillside overlooking the location. The other ***** moves down the hill and takes cover behind a few trees creating multiple firedown positions on the helicopter crash all far enough away to prevent zombie spawns. We wait and I start to slam a few shots of whiskey gaining my nerves, I try to break the ice and ask him how his day is going so far? he replies dont break silence until we are in a secure location take this heatpack who knows how long we will be here. I lay silent, After about twenty minutes of my face in the mud applying heatpacks with rain shitting on me i hear the rumble of a engine pushing all RPMS approaching from the north road.
A black SUV approaches (private hive) and pulls a full circle around the crash site. It parks and Five camo clothed guys with FN's and as50's on their backs get out while one remains in the driver seat with the engine running. We wait as they begin to throw items into the suv's inventory when a green smoke is thrown by ***** on the opposite position the guys start to panic and take firing positions, fearful and excited I toss the grenade. It detonates up on top of the chopper site taking out the vehicle and four guys. The leader jumps up and yells "wolverines !" and fires his leroy racing down the hill at the last standing guy running in circles trying to get away. They get into a firefight and the leader is gunned down I shoot and kill the straggler with the winchester while the other guy moves in and I hear two pistol rounds fired as he finishes the passed out man by the suv.
I move in and I try to ask ***** a question as he instantly starts burying the bodies. He says our works done ,time to move, leader is dead, no time to wait around any longer , bury him. I bury our comrade wipe away the tears and run off with ****** we build a fire outside vybor and he tells me i fought well but this isn't over. I ask him what the hell was that wolverines shit all about? this ain't red dawn.. He says like leader said before. we are taking our town back. Our town will not be filled with Militia hoarding weapon nuts.. realizing I'm not going to get a straight answer i enquire if there are more of them, he replies we are ten strong and split up on the server , each watching locations in sets of two and communicating. I pound some more shots and before I know it the man is headed off full sprint east without notice. I dont chase him for I know he has a purpose ...
Endowed in Hero skin as well i remained confused but cooperated. One searched me while the other held steady with a Leroy Enfield.. "he's legit," said the searching party and they welcomed me back to the woods outside town.
Their names i will not list for their own protection. As we get out of town to a secure location, the leader of the two tells me I must pass a ritual to remain with them - hunt a wild animal, cook it and eat amongst men. I complete the task and we return to the woods sitting around the fire. The leader then asks me where a hero like myself is heading? I reply just running north away from the muck.. He begins a speech.."what if you could get away from the muck?" "what if everyone was forced to actually survive without the mass production of overpowered items?" sensing an extremist and wanting to cut him short ..I reply.. "That sounds like a place I would prefer to be in". The Leader smiles, at least i think it was a smile and replies "well were taking our town back and your in it for the long haul' heroes arent easy to come by and today your here, might be destiny...." I agree with the man. Then he unveils his current mission...
He tells me there is a helicopter crash right outside town in the northwest field and that he is expecting a supply convoy to be coming in soon as he had been following a few bandits earlier in game and this is a site they have not raided. Nervous but ready, i say, " I'm in"... not asking any further questions. He places a hand grenade in my back pack and we move to the hillside overlooking the location. The other ***** moves down the hill and takes cover behind a few trees creating multiple firedown positions on the helicopter crash all far enough away to prevent zombie spawns. We wait and I start to slam a few shots of whiskey gaining my nerves, I try to break the ice and ask him how his day is going so far? he replies dont break silence until we are in a secure location take this heatpack who knows how long we will be here. I lay silent, After about twenty minutes of my face in the mud applying heatpacks with rain shitting on me i hear the rumble of a engine pushing all RPMS approaching from the north road.
A black SUV approaches (private hive) and pulls a full circle around the crash site. It parks and Five camo clothed guys with FN's and as50's on their backs get out while one remains in the driver seat with the engine running. We wait as they begin to throw items into the suv's inventory when a green smoke is thrown by ***** on the opposite position the guys start to panic and take firing positions, fearful and excited I toss the grenade. It detonates up on top of the chopper site taking out the vehicle and four guys. The leader jumps up and yells "wolverines !" and fires his leroy racing down the hill at the last standing guy running in circles trying to get away. They get into a firefight and the leader is gunned down I shoot and kill the straggler with the winchester while the other guy moves in and I hear two pistol rounds fired as he finishes the passed out man by the suv.
I move in and I try to ask ***** a question as he instantly starts burying the bodies. He says our works done ,time to move, leader is dead, no time to wait around any longer , bury him. I bury our comrade wipe away the tears and run off with ****** we build a fire outside vybor and he tells me i fought well but this isn't over. I ask him what the hell was that wolverines shit all about? this ain't red dawn.. He says like leader said before. we are taking our town back. Our town will not be filled with Militia hoarding weapon nuts.. realizing I'm not going to get a straight answer i enquire if there are more of them, he replies we are ten strong and split up on the server , each watching locations in sets of two and communicating. I pound some more shots and before I know it the man is headed off full sprint east without notice. I dont chase him for I know he has a purpose ...
Bad food worse weather mary fecking poppins Namalsk.
I am so tits deep in snow that my beard is snapping every time i scratch my chin, repairing two front tires on a uaz in blizzard conditions so cold even the penguins have called it quits. A call out over side channel comes up...'hello out all survivors there ..we are at Wally's Gun Store. We are open for trading"..
Zeuses frozen dick beard! i say and load up the parts and board my trusty steed along side my buddy Hay Bail Harry. Wally types over again "come on down the.. price is right. Give fair warning as we are 5 deep and will shoot on sight ". I think to myself ..what do I have to trade.. Harry ? Will they accept people ? naw thats fecked, but for a new rifle in Namalsk? i can do that...can i ?
We approach in the UAZ and they advise up to drop all weapons outside, if not hill snipers will take us out. We comply and go down the ladder to see a pile of ak's and other mil weapons smothered together in the elevator shaft. Not bad i say.. may i ? They allow me to arm myself but as Harry approaches we hear ' Leave them alone big fella...". Harry is like "whoa guys ..i thought this was legit " they tell us that i must do runs with my truck to fill their supply or Harry is a dead goat. Give me a map and i'm in like Flynn i say. Bloat hands me a map and i'm up the ladder and on to rum running, they call a cease fire. Outside the shop i see 5 guys in line , ready to head downstairs and gun up. They stare at me like a piece of meat as i walk by with an M4 iron sights..i hop in my rig and spit snow in their faces.
I barrel north side channeling old hare asking if he has been killed yet ,he replies 'nah i'm all good, they're feeding me beanz and sards..'. Snapping another piece of my beard off i am happy he is warm and well fed, half a can of juice loaded in my old girl and no food. I spit my rig sideways across the land bridge and approach the hospital, shoot out the windows and start slam racking supplies into the truck. I turn around and glimpse a fresh bandit spawn carrying a mak, he walks up behind me stepping between the the truck and myself. He moves closer to the truck just as i am telling him not to do anything stupid or i will beard stab him. He bolts for the truck and in under 5 seconds he is all over the road like a madwomans breakfast.
I leave his drilled body and head South across the railroad bridge, the truck spinning and sliding like an icecube on a roller rink, turn onto a dirt road and approach Wallys. I tell them i am here, jump down the ladder and dump a weeks worth of medical on the ground. Wally voice booms out. " I'm impressed ..you and Harry are hired " a bond has been forged, we have become beard brothers. I tell Harry to load up and then we are off to grab some more gear.. Harry and i complete two more runs unscathed and are feeling pretty good, but in the back of my mind i know we are due. Rum runner drivers always get the bad end of the deal.
We cross Tara bridge on the south end looking to leg it in for one last run and call this mad lifestyle quits ...when the Slenderman strikes. A sniper round from the southern mountain side zips into the front tire and i slam old trusty out of control into the guardrail and we are stalled, mid bridge... 200 ft off the ground. Harry panics and says " We have to fix the goddam tyre ! We have to get off this bridge of death !!" before i can say anything he has opened the door and plummeted into open space. I watch his descent to the depths as he says "shit I fell !! " now its me, my trusty truck , the bridge... and Slenderman.
I bail out taking cover behind my broken rum running rig. Shots begin to zip the tracks next to me , pushing my luck i crouch and look through my rigs windows and locate the Slenderman... hill bound and running down towards the tracks to finish me. My sweetly polished M4 is frozen in my hands and i snap off another chunk of beard so i can pull it tightly into my shoulder.
Slenderman pours onto the tracks and starts crouch running.. checking his scope on me. I lean out and fire three rounds.. striking him in the torso and he falls to the tracks. Thinking this nightmare is over i begin to repair the tyre and suddenly go into shock, bullets bounce around me ..Slenderman is down but not out. I slow motion turn like Chuck , my beard scratching against my puffed chest and let loose my full magazine, bullets stitch a line towards him and then crawl up his body like fireworks mixed with tomatoes, i pass out as he falls to the ground obliterated.
Waking up i bandage like a demon and notice i am at 400 blood , all good, I have to make it back, i jump in and fire up old trusty and start to head out and off the bridge, suddenly i pass out at the wheel and watch myself launch over the side into the chasm above Harry...fated to be joined in death. A mangled body , it's legs on his chin and a brief explosion is the last thing i see.
Steak is dead.
Zeuses frozen dick beard! i say and load up the parts and board my trusty steed along side my buddy Hay Bail Harry. Wally types over again "come on down the.. price is right. Give fair warning as we are 5 deep and will shoot on sight ". I think to myself ..what do I have to trade.. Harry ? Will they accept people ? naw thats fecked, but for a new rifle in Namalsk? i can do that...can i ?
We approach in the UAZ and they advise up to drop all weapons outside, if not hill snipers will take us out. We comply and go down the ladder to see a pile of ak's and other mil weapons smothered together in the elevator shaft. Not bad i say.. may i ? They allow me to arm myself but as Harry approaches we hear ' Leave them alone big fella...". Harry is like "whoa guys ..i thought this was legit " they tell us that i must do runs with my truck to fill their supply or Harry is a dead goat. Give me a map and i'm in like Flynn i say. Bloat hands me a map and i'm up the ladder and on to rum running, they call a cease fire. Outside the shop i see 5 guys in line , ready to head downstairs and gun up. They stare at me like a piece of meat as i walk by with an M4 iron sights..i hop in my rig and spit snow in their faces.
I barrel north side channeling old hare asking if he has been killed yet ,he replies 'nah i'm all good, they're feeding me beanz and sards..'. Snapping another piece of my beard off i am happy he is warm and well fed, half a can of juice loaded in my old girl and no food. I spit my rig sideways across the land bridge and approach the hospital, shoot out the windows and start slam racking supplies into the truck. I turn around and glimpse a fresh bandit spawn carrying a mak, he walks up behind me stepping between the the truck and myself. He moves closer to the truck just as i am telling him not to do anything stupid or i will beard stab him. He bolts for the truck and in under 5 seconds he is all over the road like a madwomans breakfast.
I leave his drilled body and head South across the railroad bridge, the truck spinning and sliding like an icecube on a roller rink, turn onto a dirt road and approach Wallys. I tell them i am here, jump down the ladder and dump a weeks worth of medical on the ground. Wally voice booms out. " I'm impressed ..you and Harry are hired " a bond has been forged, we have become beard brothers. I tell Harry to load up and then we are off to grab some more gear.. Harry and i complete two more runs unscathed and are feeling pretty good, but in the back of my mind i know we are due. Rum runner drivers always get the bad end of the deal.
We cross Tara bridge on the south end looking to leg it in for one last run and call this mad lifestyle quits ...when the Slenderman strikes. A sniper round from the southern mountain side zips into the front tire and i slam old trusty out of control into the guardrail and we are stalled, mid bridge... 200 ft off the ground. Harry panics and says " We have to fix the goddam tyre ! We have to get off this bridge of death !!" before i can say anything he has opened the door and plummeted into open space. I watch his descent to the depths as he says "shit I fell !! " now its me, my trusty truck , the bridge... and Slenderman.
I bail out taking cover behind my broken rum running rig. Shots begin to zip the tracks next to me , pushing my luck i crouch and look through my rigs windows and locate the Slenderman... hill bound and running down towards the tracks to finish me. My sweetly polished M4 is frozen in my hands and i snap off another chunk of beard so i can pull it tightly into my shoulder.
Slenderman pours onto the tracks and starts crouch running.. checking his scope on me. I lean out and fire three rounds.. striking him in the torso and he falls to the tracks. Thinking this nightmare is over i begin to repair the tyre and suddenly go into shock, bullets bounce around me ..Slenderman is down but not out. I slow motion turn like Chuck , my beard scratching against my puffed chest and let loose my full magazine, bullets stitch a line towards him and then crawl up his body like fireworks mixed with tomatoes, i pass out as he falls to the ground obliterated.
Waking up i bandage like a demon and notice i am at 400 blood , all good, I have to make it back, i jump in and fire up old trusty and start to head out and off the bridge, suddenly i pass out at the wheel and watch myself launch over the side into the chasm above Harry...fated to be joined in death. A mangled body , it's legs on his chin and a brief explosion is the last thing i see.
Steak is dead.
I only shot him eight times...
Alakit...Namalsk.
Survivor... i got a bead on him with the m16 , he has a g17 in hand, an enfield slung. I should have shot him when he did not know i was there, while i was watching him loot. He spots me and the friendly cry goes out from him ...friendly! friendly! friendly! sounds like he is still waiting for his balls to drop. I keep him in scope until he gets closer, pop him!! pop him!! says my head.. i leave him. We have a quick chat, i tell him i am headed to Old Hospital, i'm not, and then i crouch off behind a small area with one way in and one way out next to a wall. I jump into my options to reset my graphics as they were still a bit bright from last night..a black object plops near me..was that a ..'nade ... ?? BOOM!....Fucker.
Respawn, Lubjansk look at that..not more than a five minute run away, first deerstand i find an m1014 with 8 slugs. Keep heading south east towards Alakit through the forest when i see movement, guy running flat stick, i duck behind a tree, observe. Well what do we have here..guy with a czech pack, m16 slung and a G17, heading towards Lubjansk. It has to be no ball dropped Fucker, I let him run past then follow. He crouches when in sight of the road then stops. I crouch up to a tree about 5 metres away, he starts to move slowly again, over direct i say 'Hey..Fucker..nice m16..' then put a shot into his legs.
He falls saying friendly! friendly! friendly! ..same balltight voice. I don't say anything , waiting for him to bandage, blood spewing out. He goes straight into the bandage position and i sidle out from behind my tree, shottie up... ' Hey..i like your backpack..' will be the last thing he hears as i pump 7 more slugs into him.
Why would i shoot him 8 times ?
because that was all the ammo i had.
Survivor... i got a bead on him with the m16 , he has a g17 in hand, an enfield slung. I should have shot him when he did not know i was there, while i was watching him loot. He spots me and the friendly cry goes out from him ...friendly! friendly! friendly! sounds like he is still waiting for his balls to drop. I keep him in scope until he gets closer, pop him!! pop him!! says my head.. i leave him. We have a quick chat, i tell him i am headed to Old Hospital, i'm not, and then i crouch off behind a small area with one way in and one way out next to a wall. I jump into my options to reset my graphics as they were still a bit bright from last night..a black object plops near me..was that a ..'nade ... ?? BOOM!....Fucker.
Respawn, Lubjansk look at that..not more than a five minute run away, first deerstand i find an m1014 with 8 slugs. Keep heading south east towards Alakit through the forest when i see movement, guy running flat stick, i duck behind a tree, observe. Well what do we have here..guy with a czech pack, m16 slung and a G17, heading towards Lubjansk. It has to be no ball dropped Fucker, I let him run past then follow. He crouches when in sight of the road then stops. I crouch up to a tree about 5 metres away, he starts to move slowly again, over direct i say 'Hey..Fucker..nice m16..' then put a shot into his legs.
He falls saying friendly! friendly! friendly! ..same balltight voice. I don't say anything , waiting for him to bandage, blood spewing out. He goes straight into the bandage position and i sidle out from behind my tree, shottie up... ' Hey..i like your backpack..' will be the last thing he hears as i pump 7 more slugs into him.
Why would i shoot him 8 times ?
because that was all the ammo i had.
Steaks new driving record...
A promise of lust and adventure, in the peaceful rolling hills near Krasno . Steak finds me on the edge of a forest in the hippie van, joy and peace, the solitude of the open fields , the distant sound of the night birds.
Thirty seconds after entering the passenger door we are a fireball of molten metal and glass, thrown clear , both bleeding and broken. A minute of laying beside the car of wonderment watching the knockout timer and our death is complete.
We came for love, we left in caskets, bits and pieces of leg and face intertwined with cans of beanz. Steak is like..' what, was that under two minutes ? ' i tell him ..'...not even that long bro'
Thirty seconds after entering the passenger door we are a fireball of molten metal and glass, thrown clear , both bleeding and broken. A minute of laying beside the car of wonderment watching the knockout timer and our death is complete.
We came for love, we left in caskets, bits and pieces of leg and face intertwined with cans of beanz. Steak is like..' what, was that under two minutes ? ' i tell him ..'...not even that long bro'
Flight of the Feathermen
The Balota Buddies subgroup ' The Feathermen' ..each one willing to slay their entire family with a hatchet if a choice had to be made. Smilingly. Unbegrudgingly..no questions asked.
Namalsk, eight Feathermen deep, five clicks off shore in a chopper. Colder than Nicole Kidman, temps blinking like a 1999 rave party but spirits are high, the Feathermen would not have it any other way. Six gunned up with two lightly loaded and ready to loot . Target : Northern Army Base, air drop at 150 feet, chopper to beat it offshore ready in an instant for pickup, loot sweep then evac. Creedence cranks over direct..mission is a go.
Watching the island approach then over the coast feet dry , heli full biscuit hugging the treeline, beeline for the base. Slam it over the top , all Feathermen dropping as one, cold wind snaps the chutes open. Directly below are zeds, the team is dropping into a hot zone. Heli 180's and shoots back to the coast. Ak fire erupts, one of the lightly geared looters ballass charges in and absorbs fire from the barracks, he is down and out but the two bandits are dropped seconds after by the following Feathermen. Quick sweep, base is clear, raid it out and heli is back for evac. All over in minutes. Swoop out low and fast.
Tara bridge and pick up the newly spawned Featherlooter, he gears up from onboard, next target Seraja Army Base. Creedence is blaring and you can feel the excitement in the crew after the raid, Pushing inland as fast as we can pour it on, the cold is affecting one of the Featherman more than the others, thermo off the dial, no chance for turning back as we climb up the hill and prep for another bail.
Pop up over the crest and spot two on the ground as Feathermen start jumping, they leg it maxed out heading for a building near the com tower but the Feathermen hit the ground running and funnel them into a killing zone. No mercy. Raid out the barracks, heli slams down on the pad and the team is out happier than an old lady on medical marijuana. One more raid is decided, the Old Hospital must be hit for meds and heatpacks, Everyone is now freezing out , the rotor in unison with the shaking team. The hospital is always a bitterly contested piece of real estate, everyone is quiet.
A ural and white pickup are spotted hightailing towards the objective, fuck it, no going back or we all freeze. Feathermen are out as the heli circles above. Immediately shit goes south, one of the jumpers slams into a building ,busting legs instantly, then plummets to the ground smashed. Seven on the ground now. A firefight erupts, nine have piled out of the Ural and pickup guns blazing. The heli takes small arms fire and dives away out of range, casualty list growing as names from both sides start rolling up on screen. In the chaos it is quickly down to a three v two , two Feathermen remain.
The heli doubles the coast picking up fresh Feathers, drops them in on dead bodies , they regear straight into the fight. The odds swing and the Old Hospital is taken, The newly dropped grab what they can from the carnage then call for an extract before all is lost. The heli comes in too hot and overshoots , barrels up and turns, possibly too many whiskies in for skilled flying by this stage. The heli pilot shakes it off and says ' coming in hard and fast, a uaz is dirt trailing it full dicks to us from the factory! ' The heli comes in hard slam hogging the tail into a tree and wiping sideways full noise into the grounded Feathermen.
The screen is a roll call of the dead team ..
..Steak watches the timer from his burning cockpit.
( heli pic by KaMeLRo of the dayz forums )
Namalsk, eight Feathermen deep, five clicks off shore in a chopper. Colder than Nicole Kidman, temps blinking like a 1999 rave party but spirits are high, the Feathermen would not have it any other way. Six gunned up with two lightly loaded and ready to loot . Target : Northern Army Base, air drop at 150 feet, chopper to beat it offshore ready in an instant for pickup, loot sweep then evac. Creedence cranks over direct..mission is a go.
Watching the island approach then over the coast feet dry , heli full biscuit hugging the treeline, beeline for the base. Slam it over the top , all Feathermen dropping as one, cold wind snaps the chutes open. Directly below are zeds, the team is dropping into a hot zone. Heli 180's and shoots back to the coast. Ak fire erupts, one of the lightly geared looters ballass charges in and absorbs fire from the barracks, he is down and out but the two bandits are dropped seconds after by the following Feathermen. Quick sweep, base is clear, raid it out and heli is back for evac. All over in minutes. Swoop out low and fast.
Tara bridge and pick up the newly spawned Featherlooter, he gears up from onboard, next target Seraja Army Base. Creedence is blaring and you can feel the excitement in the crew after the raid, Pushing inland as fast as we can pour it on, the cold is affecting one of the Featherman more than the others, thermo off the dial, no chance for turning back as we climb up the hill and prep for another bail.
Pop up over the crest and spot two on the ground as Feathermen start jumping, they leg it maxed out heading for a building near the com tower but the Feathermen hit the ground running and funnel them into a killing zone. No mercy. Raid out the barracks, heli slams down on the pad and the team is out happier than an old lady on medical marijuana. One more raid is decided, the Old Hospital must be hit for meds and heatpacks, Everyone is now freezing out , the rotor in unison with the shaking team. The hospital is always a bitterly contested piece of real estate, everyone is quiet.
A ural and white pickup are spotted hightailing towards the objective, fuck it, no going back or we all freeze. Feathermen are out as the heli circles above. Immediately shit goes south, one of the jumpers slams into a building ,busting legs instantly, then plummets to the ground smashed. Seven on the ground now. A firefight erupts, nine have piled out of the Ural and pickup guns blazing. The heli takes small arms fire and dives away out of range, casualty list growing as names from both sides start rolling up on screen. In the chaos it is quickly down to a three v two , two Feathermen remain.
The heli doubles the coast picking up fresh Feathers, drops them in on dead bodies , they regear straight into the fight. The odds swing and the Old Hospital is taken, The newly dropped grab what they can from the carnage then call for an extract before all is lost. The heli comes in too hot and overshoots , barrels up and turns, possibly too many whiskies in for skilled flying by this stage. The heli pilot shakes it off and says ' coming in hard and fast, a uaz is dirt trailing it full dicks to us from the factory! ' The heli comes in hard slam hogging the tail into a tree and wiping sideways full noise into the grounded Feathermen.
The screen is a roll call of the dead team ..
..Steak watches the timer from his burning cockpit.
( heli pic by KaMeLRo of the dayz forums )
Bloodbag Bonanza aka Ninja Bloodbagging..
Ninja Bloodbagger Inventory: Must only contain distractors, ie chemlights, flares,tin cans, smoke..no weapons. Only other items needed are bandages and of course bloodbags.
Ninja Bloodbagger Mission Profile: Enter hotzones and bloodbag combatants without being detected.
A cold Cherno afternoon finds Steak waiting for a sidekick to log on....
HetPuppet is on the desk beside me, looking up with dead eyes. Needing to blow of some time quicker than a hooker in a backstreet i decide to make some magic happen, ninja bloodbagging. Server pop is 44, should be plenty of possibilities, blood would be hitting the streets like dishawater in a seedy cafe, i load up on tin cans and flares in the shops and beat feet towards the hospital. Tin cam sam out the windows and finish loading my hero with blood and bandages.
Look out the busted glass windows , slap feet pavement side and prone out behind the church, crossing myself twice i mutter a small prayer. 'Lord of Chernarus, give me the strength to bloodbag the teabaggers, for they know not what they do' A leroy Enfield breaks the silence and direct erupts in confusion and panic..' Friendly! Friendly! ' more shots blow out , this time inside the church. I wait and and hear that two are going to group up near outside the power station then move towards the market. I head East flanking outside of town and spy two bandits , AK's gripped, thrusting forward into the shops, aggro on their tail.
Go time !
Up and sprinting down the hill i make it to the back door unobserved, sidle in and peek into the front of the shops , two bandidos are smashing down the zeds cramming the doorway, a small pile built up at their feet. Over direct i hear them bragging who has the most zed kills, neither of them checking their six. I roll out the rear and ninja a flare at the entrance then step back inside, crouch up behind them. They are laughing in direct now..' We got a noob inbound, probably coming from the school going by the flare..come get some nooby ' I make it to the one near the deli counter with the rancid ham and and start slam hogging blood in his ass . His mate then turns and squeals like a preteen girl at a One Direction concert..' EEEEEEE DANNNNY SHIIIIIIT! BEHIND YOU AAAHHHHHHHHHH! ' He starts vomiting rounds all over the wall above me and nails his buddy in the neck..Danny DeVito was killed.. waste of a bag. I sprint out the back, One Direction fan in tow screaming..' you killed dannnnnnny! i'm gonna light you up man !! ' I don't bother to tell him he pissed bullets into DeVito and keep running, the ninja bloodbagger's only true way is complete silence.
He is poppin' shots all around me and i dive behind a house. He is now getting hit by zeds , blood waterfalling out his forehead, i ally oop around the house and get in behind him..breaking my ninja code i yell ' BLOODBAG !! ' and start slamming that sweetness into his veins. He immediately screams and turns and starts spraying me mid bag, knocked out cold i fall to the ground. He puts two more into my body and prattles on high pitched, unintelligble panicky words i can't make out.
The ninja bloodbagger lies dead, another corpse to add to the many.
Ninja Bloodbagger Mission Profile: Enter hotzones and bloodbag combatants without being detected.
A cold Cherno afternoon finds Steak waiting for a sidekick to log on....
HetPuppet is on the desk beside me, looking up with dead eyes. Needing to blow of some time quicker than a hooker in a backstreet i decide to make some magic happen, ninja bloodbagging. Server pop is 44, should be plenty of possibilities, blood would be hitting the streets like dishawater in a seedy cafe, i load up on tin cans and flares in the shops and beat feet towards the hospital. Tin cam sam out the windows and finish loading my hero with blood and bandages.
Look out the busted glass windows , slap feet pavement side and prone out behind the church, crossing myself twice i mutter a small prayer. 'Lord of Chernarus, give me the strength to bloodbag the teabaggers, for they know not what they do' A leroy Enfield breaks the silence and direct erupts in confusion and panic..' Friendly! Friendly! ' more shots blow out , this time inside the church. I wait and and hear that two are going to group up near outside the power station then move towards the market. I head East flanking outside of town and spy two bandits , AK's gripped, thrusting forward into the shops, aggro on their tail.
Go time !
Up and sprinting down the hill i make it to the back door unobserved, sidle in and peek into the front of the shops , two bandidos are smashing down the zeds cramming the doorway, a small pile built up at their feet. Over direct i hear them bragging who has the most zed kills, neither of them checking their six. I roll out the rear and ninja a flare at the entrance then step back inside, crouch up behind them. They are laughing in direct now..' We got a noob inbound, probably coming from the school going by the flare..come get some nooby ' I make it to the one near the deli counter with the rancid ham and and start slam hogging blood in his ass . His mate then turns and squeals like a preteen girl at a One Direction concert..' EEEEEEE DANNNNY SHIIIIIIT! BEHIND YOU AAAHHHHHHHHHH! ' He starts vomiting rounds all over the wall above me and nails his buddy in the neck..Danny DeVito was killed.. waste of a bag. I sprint out the back, One Direction fan in tow screaming..' you killed dannnnnnny! i'm gonna light you up man !! ' I don't bother to tell him he pissed bullets into DeVito and keep running, the ninja bloodbagger's only true way is complete silence.
He is poppin' shots all around me and i dive behind a house. He is now getting hit by zeds , blood waterfalling out his forehead, i ally oop around the house and get in behind him..breaking my ninja code i yell ' BLOODBAG !! ' and start slamming that sweetness into his veins. He immediately screams and turns and starts spraying me mid bag, knocked out cold i fall to the ground. He puts two more into my body and prattles on high pitched, unintelligble panicky words i can't make out.
The ninja bloodbagger lies dead, another corpse to add to the many.
No bridge too far...
Wind blown and instantly freezing, spawned outside of Vorkuta , fuck these shakes..two fellow Featherman to the South West sprinting through the bare woods, rally point the Sebjan warehouse, then to the Old Hospital.
Closest place to hit is the Northern Army Base then swim across the smallest part of Lubjansk Bay and beat feet, hopefully armed with more than a torch. Luck is in as i grab a can of beanz and a coke, an M16 with one mag and a 'nade finish my loot run. That'll do, up and legging it. Comms chatter picks up now, the other two are awaiting me on the mountain west of the warehouse, they have movers, two UAZ's and a ute pull up. 12 people dismount and start to raid the rusty heli on top of the hillside.
The Featherman are pinned in the trees, if they move they will be spotted and they are not in a good posi for a firefight..2 v 12 , bad odds, no time to waste. I dive into the waters where even polar bears fear to swim and start swimming like a cat thrown in a creek. Up and out the other side shaking like a whore in church, head mountain side and meet up moving slowly.
Shots are being fired as the militia crew is plinking zeds, nobody covering anyone elses back, Fun day at the park it seems. We split and take positions..go time. One Featherman pops up and takes out the first guy closest to him, before they can get their shit together he has dropped four more, gripping his M14 and peeling slowly back into the trees. An AS50 barks out and he falls, five taken with him, Featherman down.
Myself and the other Featherman flank , shots are now erupting all around from the remaining seven, the other Featherman flanker drops two, over comms i know he is shaking like mad, hard to hit targets but keeping his fire up. He drops one more then takes two hits and passes out in the pine trees, no time to bandage in the midst of the firefight.
I make my way down and come across the ute, knowing i only have 30 rounds i peer out and see one moving towards the downed Featherman, I use 5 rounds to take him down, damn these shakes, quickly change location. 25 rounds left to slam towards the remaining militia. Shots spang out near me as one fires towards and over the ute, rounds pinging off metal, i slam the deck and start rolling, He gets behind me and i smash off 4 more rounds dropping him faster than an overweight bride full of cheap wine . 21 rounds and only 2 militia left.
I make my way up to the summit, work down to my fellow Featherman, exposed and dying. Shots start skipping near me, silence and surprise not an option anymore as i am coughing my ring out. I bring up my M16 and engage, hits taken by both sides but he drops first, my blood flashing i bandage on the spot. One duck left before we can goose it out of here. Over comms i know the other Featherman is up and bandaged, black and white screen, minimum blood. The as50 barks out again and i slide behind a small bump in the snow. I creep around and get him in my shaking sights , i am all over the shop like a dog shitting razor blades, select full auto and before i can open fire i pass out. Waiting for the timer i have no idea if he has seen me or moved.
Slowly up again and i peek out from behind my small rise, he is still there scanning, on full auto i stitch him from legs to head and see him drop, blood fountaining, finger not off the trigger until the repetitive clicks tell me i am drier than Clint in the good the bad and the ugly. Immediately i slap feet down to him and begin looting, Well deserved blood bags and stanags, my fellow Feather is down with me and we blood up, Side channel has lit up..how many guys ? who the fuck where they ? is anyone still alive ? ..yes..two.
We gear up from the scattered bodies and make our way to the land bridge to find our lost featherman, no one gets left behind.
Closest place to hit is the Northern Army Base then swim across the smallest part of Lubjansk Bay and beat feet, hopefully armed with more than a torch. Luck is in as i grab a can of beanz and a coke, an M16 with one mag and a 'nade finish my loot run. That'll do, up and legging it. Comms chatter picks up now, the other two are awaiting me on the mountain west of the warehouse, they have movers, two UAZ's and a ute pull up. 12 people dismount and start to raid the rusty heli on top of the hillside.
The Featherman are pinned in the trees, if they move they will be spotted and they are not in a good posi for a firefight..2 v 12 , bad odds, no time to waste. I dive into the waters where even polar bears fear to swim and start swimming like a cat thrown in a creek. Up and out the other side shaking like a whore in church, head mountain side and meet up moving slowly.
Shots are being fired as the militia crew is plinking zeds, nobody covering anyone elses back, Fun day at the park it seems. We split and take positions..go time. One Featherman pops up and takes out the first guy closest to him, before they can get their shit together he has dropped four more, gripping his M14 and peeling slowly back into the trees. An AS50 barks out and he falls, five taken with him, Featherman down.
Myself and the other Featherman flank , shots are now erupting all around from the remaining seven, the other Featherman flanker drops two, over comms i know he is shaking like mad, hard to hit targets but keeping his fire up. He drops one more then takes two hits and passes out in the pine trees, no time to bandage in the midst of the firefight.
I make my way down and come across the ute, knowing i only have 30 rounds i peer out and see one moving towards the downed Featherman, I use 5 rounds to take him down, damn these shakes, quickly change location. 25 rounds left to slam towards the remaining militia. Shots spang out near me as one fires towards and over the ute, rounds pinging off metal, i slam the deck and start rolling, He gets behind me and i smash off 4 more rounds dropping him faster than an overweight bride full of cheap wine . 21 rounds and only 2 militia left.
I make my way up to the summit, work down to my fellow Featherman, exposed and dying. Shots start skipping near me, silence and surprise not an option anymore as i am coughing my ring out. I bring up my M16 and engage, hits taken by both sides but he drops first, my blood flashing i bandage on the spot. One duck left before we can goose it out of here. Over comms i know the other Featherman is up and bandaged, black and white screen, minimum blood. The as50 barks out again and i slide behind a small bump in the snow. I creep around and get him in my shaking sights , i am all over the shop like a dog shitting razor blades, select full auto and before i can open fire i pass out. Waiting for the timer i have no idea if he has seen me or moved.
Slowly up again and i peek out from behind my small rise, he is still there scanning, on full auto i stitch him from legs to head and see him drop, blood fountaining, finger not off the trigger until the repetitive clicks tell me i am drier than Clint in the good the bad and the ugly. Immediately i slap feet down to him and begin looting, Well deserved blood bags and stanags, my fellow Feather is down with me and we blood up, Side channel has lit up..how many guys ? who the fuck where they ? is anyone still alive ? ..yes..two.
We gear up from the scattered bodies and make our way to the land bridge to find our lost featherman, no one gets left behind.
fRIENDLY CARL
Playing Lone Wolf , i am semi geared up and hovering around Cherno, still need some Morphine before i can leave and head inland. Few zeds but i cannot see anyone, no doubt many eyes peering over rooftops and out of apartment windows or on the hills behind me. I head into the hospital on the Western outskirts and grab four morphs and two bloodbags in anticipation of possibly helping someone in trouble ..yeh right.
Bumming around in the apartments, hit the firestation and the shops, a few shots ringing out randomly but far enough away that i don't need to worry. Off to the church and then head to the main industrial building on the Eastern edge of Chernogorsk to grab a toolbox,
Head in and manage to get a toolbox on the second floor, sweet, head on up the stairs to the open roof and decide i will log there for the night. Just as i exit the staircase at the top i see a player standing to my right, looking at the ground , makrov drawn. I have my winchester out and i am sidling sideways about 15 feet past him , he must be in his inventory i think ..and then he moves, faces my direction. I am still moving slowly, gun facing down. PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! click ..click.. click.. He empties a complete clip at me and then i guess he is reloading, i bring up my winnie and put one into his guts, just as he drops he types furiously over direct ' FRIENDLY MAN!! I'M FRIENDLY !! FRIENDLY !! ' then he drops to the ground , no doubt watching the knockout timer at his end.
I walk over to his bleeding body, get the bandage, blood bag, morphine option but instead just wait for him to bleed out until i hear the flies of death. Study body, find out his name is Carl. When i know he is back in the lobby i type.. 'Hey Carl..sorry, i didn't realise you were friendly as your bullets were hitting the wall all around me..i left your gear and body where you died..' I swapped my Czech pack for his Patrol pack then run downstairs, dump his gear in the grass and fill his bag with tin cans, run back up and swap out bags again so the Patrol pack is on his body, grab the rest of his gear, some beans and drink, matches, knife and his Makarov, walk to the corner of the roof , lay down and log.
Sorry Carl..but you are meant to say Friendly first..not unload an enitre clip then say friendly in desperation because you are reloading.
Bumming around in the apartments, hit the firestation and the shops, a few shots ringing out randomly but far enough away that i don't need to worry. Off to the church and then head to the main industrial building on the Eastern edge of Chernogorsk to grab a toolbox,
Head in and manage to get a toolbox on the second floor, sweet, head on up the stairs to the open roof and decide i will log there for the night. Just as i exit the staircase at the top i see a player standing to my right, looking at the ground , makrov drawn. I have my winchester out and i am sidling sideways about 15 feet past him , he must be in his inventory i think ..and then he moves, faces my direction. I am still moving slowly, gun facing down. PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! click ..click.. click.. He empties a complete clip at me and then i guess he is reloading, i bring up my winnie and put one into his guts, just as he drops he types furiously over direct ' FRIENDLY MAN!! I'M FRIENDLY !! FRIENDLY !! ' then he drops to the ground , no doubt watching the knockout timer at his end.
I walk over to his bleeding body, get the bandage, blood bag, morphine option but instead just wait for him to bleed out until i hear the flies of death. Study body, find out his name is Carl. When i know he is back in the lobby i type.. 'Hey Carl..sorry, i didn't realise you were friendly as your bullets were hitting the wall all around me..i left your gear and body where you died..' I swapped my Czech pack for his Patrol pack then run downstairs, dump his gear in the grass and fill his bag with tin cans, run back up and swap out bags again so the Patrol pack is on his body, grab the rest of his gear, some beans and drink, matches, knife and his Makarov, walk to the corner of the roof , lay down and log.
Sorry Carl..but you are meant to say Friendly first..not unload an enitre clip then say friendly in desperation because you are reloading.
The DayZ Ban..Curgonated.
I will leave this up here until i get a fair review of my banning over at the DAYZ forums :) 13 years on the internet and many forums as well as being a mod at three sites, my first ever ban. Storm in a teacup ? Totally. Let me start with the error i received when i tried to acess the site..
Your account has been temporarily suspended. This suspension is due to end on 02 November 2012 - 01:51 PM. More Details ..The more details is below.
Warning issued by Curgon for Inappropriate Language in How will the standalone look compared to WarZ?.
Given 1 points.
Content moderated for 7 days
Ability to create content removed for 7 days.
Suspended for 7 days
Use, advertisement, of any racial slurs is forbidden, you do this again, and it is an instant ban. Period.
What is not stated there is also .. Unallowed to even persue the site, your login is stuck on and you can not sign out.
I am stuck at the error page for 7 days apparently and cannot even view ANY forum content. Cockbiter springs to mind.
Now the story..simply look for this post in general discussion.. How will the standalone look compared to WarZ?. Or go to that link :)
Now i am guessing it revolves around the Meme i posted with the word Niggah in it. Fair enough in hindsight that it may have required a PM warning and a point, apology would have been made if anyone was offended and i would have removed the meme, it was a stupid meme and had no more meaning than that, posted in the context of a joke and the Mod would have known that unless he is new to the internet within the last three days . The full meme can be seen here in the link above obviously.
This comes from a guy who states that the use of the word ' Faggot' on the forum is not a breach of forum rules. yes..wtf. Faggot was simply brought up as an axample as it was thrown around on the forum by users name calling each other several times. I would put the term Faggot in the same category as Niggah when used to demean someone..not the Curgon. Because we qll know gay people walk around going...'Hi..i'm a faggot..its a lifestyle.' What a guy huh.
I challenge CURGON to show me how it was used purposefully as a racial slur and not as a stupid meme. The topic was debated fairly and evenly and beanz were handed out. Has the dayz forum been stealing Warz mods ? Really ?Something that could not be settled with a pm. Ridiculous. I have always found the dayz forum mods to be above and beyond in the amount of work they do at that site.
Put your mouth were your ban is Curgon , i have emailed twice asking for a fair review and i am sure you could have at least emailed me. Courtesy Curgon. Like the PM i never got before the ban.
I will retract this if worked out, childish maybe.. but i am over small types with big epeens being anonymous on the internet.
Like i said ..Courtesy and fairness is all it is about Curgon. I am not looking for special icecream covered lolly flavoured consideration.
You have my email..twice.. but just in case.. [email protected]
This has nothing to do with Steak as part of the HetSteak team :) I love him so but this is off my own bat :)
Hetstaine
Day 2 and 2 more emails later, no reply. Thanks Curgon for your help with this matter so far.
Day 3 ..2 more emails ..and still no reply, this tells me the stature of the person who gave the ban. As i said above..Anonymous types on the internet, unnacountability is their watchword. 74 emails and over 600 hits a day i have received from various forum members regarding the person and the unfairness of the banning without a PM or an attempt at resolution, this shows me the issue has been handled wrongly.
Day4 .. see day 1, 2 and 3. After much talking with many forum members via many more emails we have found out the guy in question is very much without wit and does not know what the word resolve means. Witlessness also never helps when being a mod and dealing with forum members, wit should be a requirement.
Day 5 ..as above Curgon is unbudgeable and uncontactable, one of those types who refuse to back down in the face of a possible wrong decision so he does not have to stoop so low as to say ..'oh, sorry,,i may have acted hastily there' ..let the Art of Manliness help you out Curgon.. go on, dont be a pussy, read the link. Apologising..like a man.
Day 6 ..the continuation of silence. Curgon is a ghost.
Day 7 ..Who is Curgon ? The silent mod, like a cobra he strikes..then vanishes into the grass.
Day 7 and a bit .. Back on, ban lifted by another mod who has been fighting the good fight for me..Curgon , nil respect or time for the kid. See how we go in the future ;)
Quick update many many months later..Curgon failed to man up and ever say anything about the matter.
Your account has been temporarily suspended. This suspension is due to end on 02 November 2012 - 01:51 PM. More Details ..The more details is below.
Warning issued by Curgon for Inappropriate Language in How will the standalone look compared to WarZ?.
Given 1 points.
Content moderated for 7 days
Ability to create content removed for 7 days.
Suspended for 7 days
Use, advertisement, of any racial slurs is forbidden, you do this again, and it is an instant ban. Period.
What is not stated there is also .. Unallowed to even persue the site, your login is stuck on and you can not sign out.
I am stuck at the error page for 7 days apparently and cannot even view ANY forum content. Cockbiter springs to mind.
Now the story..simply look for this post in general discussion.. How will the standalone look compared to WarZ?. Or go to that link :)
Now i am guessing it revolves around the Meme i posted with the word Niggah in it. Fair enough in hindsight that it may have required a PM warning and a point, apology would have been made if anyone was offended and i would have removed the meme, it was a stupid meme and had no more meaning than that, posted in the context of a joke and the Mod would have known that unless he is new to the internet within the last three days . The full meme can be seen here in the link above obviously.
This comes from a guy who states that the use of the word ' Faggot' on the forum is not a breach of forum rules. yes..wtf. Faggot was simply brought up as an axample as it was thrown around on the forum by users name calling each other several times. I would put the term Faggot in the same category as Niggah when used to demean someone..not the Curgon. Because we qll know gay people walk around going...'Hi..i'm a faggot..its a lifestyle.' What a guy huh.
I challenge CURGON to show me how it was used purposefully as a racial slur and not as a stupid meme. The topic was debated fairly and evenly and beanz were handed out. Has the dayz forum been stealing Warz mods ? Really ?Something that could not be settled with a pm. Ridiculous. I have always found the dayz forum mods to be above and beyond in the amount of work they do at that site.
Put your mouth were your ban is Curgon , i have emailed twice asking for a fair review and i am sure you could have at least emailed me. Courtesy Curgon. Like the PM i never got before the ban.
I will retract this if worked out, childish maybe.. but i am over small types with big epeens being anonymous on the internet.
Like i said ..Courtesy and fairness is all it is about Curgon. I am not looking for special icecream covered lolly flavoured consideration.
You have my email..twice.. but just in case.. [email protected]
This has nothing to do with Steak as part of the HetSteak team :) I love him so but this is off my own bat :)
Hetstaine
Day 2 and 2 more emails later, no reply. Thanks Curgon for your help with this matter so far.
Day 3 ..2 more emails ..and still no reply, this tells me the stature of the person who gave the ban. As i said above..Anonymous types on the internet, unnacountability is their watchword. 74 emails and over 600 hits a day i have received from various forum members regarding the person and the unfairness of the banning without a PM or an attempt at resolution, this shows me the issue has been handled wrongly.
Day4 .. see day 1, 2 and 3. After much talking with many forum members via many more emails we have found out the guy in question is very much without wit and does not know what the word resolve means. Witlessness also never helps when being a mod and dealing with forum members, wit should be a requirement.
Day 5 ..as above Curgon is unbudgeable and uncontactable, one of those types who refuse to back down in the face of a possible wrong decision so he does not have to stoop so low as to say ..'oh, sorry,,i may have acted hastily there' ..let the Art of Manliness help you out Curgon.. go on, dont be a pussy, read the link. Apologising..like a man.
Day 6 ..the continuation of silence. Curgon is a ghost.
Day 7 ..Who is Curgon ? The silent mod, like a cobra he strikes..then vanishes into the grass.
Day 7 and a bit .. Back on, ban lifted by another mod who has been fighting the good fight for me..Curgon , nil respect or time for the kid. See how we go in the future ;)
Quick update many many months later..Curgon failed to man up and ever say anything about the matter.